Embarassed and sickened.

Not long ago, my first time at my own church in awhile since I started going to a basilica downtown on Sundays with my now ex-boyfriend, I sat alone at mass. I don’t know how familiar you are with the Catholic mass, but at some point after the homily and before communion, we recite (or sing) the Lord’s Prayer in unison. And usually, everyone holds hands.

Considering the swine flu “outbreak”, and the general distrust one person has for another in our culture, it isn’t unusual that you get shot down when you extend your hand for the hold. But I always let my pew-neighbors know my hand is there, in case they’re interested in holding it. Well, like I said, I sat alone that evening. But a few seats from me, in the same pew, sat an older gentleman. When it came time to say the Lord’s prayer, I extended my hands. I stepped closer to him, and looked at him, to see whether he’d extend his.

A look of sheer disgust came across his face. A little surprised, I said, “It’s ok…”, intending to imply that it’s ok if he does or doesn’t want to hold my hand, and he need not look at me like I just tried to wipe his face with a dirty diaper. That’s when he stepped to the side, farther from me, and exaggerated the look of disgust.

I’ve had the hand-hold turned down before. And I can respect that. What I cannot take is being looked at like I’m a piece of trash for being open to it.

The incident upset me. It took everything in me not to get up and change pews.

I’ve been back since. But a lot of people wouldn’t have returned. I’m just glad it happened to me, and not to someone who on a whim, decided to come to a Catholic church for the first time, or to someone who’d been having suicidal thoughts. His look might’ve pulled the trigger.

More recently, a young guy came up to the church office’s door after the office was closed for the day. A handful of staff members (a mental health counselor [my mom], a secretary, a receptionist, some deacons and a priest, etc.) were still inside, but the door was locked. There’s a doorbell, though, since my mom and some others work after hours and that’s how clients let them know they’re there.

The young man rang the bell repeatedly. He said, “Help me, please!”, etc., and, clearly, was totally distressed. So a woman inside let him in. She sat him down, gave him a glass of water and the chance to get what bothered him off his chest. He told her he could see demons. And he talked to them while he was there. The woman had a brother, who died years ago, who had schizophrenia, and she knew this guy had it, or something similar.

Since my mom had a client in her office, someone else who works there found a priest and a deacon who decided to break out the holy water and pray over him, which would be fine and dandy if first, they’d had a professional evauluate him psychologically. Just because someone is talking to “demons” doesn’t mean he or she needs an exorcism. And if the problem is, in fact, psychological and not spiritual, to try that only adds to the person’s delusions.

When my mom’s client left, my mom came out and talked to the guy, and to his mother, who had eventually followed him into the office. My mom recommened she take him to the hospital for an evaluation. Shortly after, they left.

It was an ordeal, at least for everyone except my mom and the woman who let him in, both of whom know how to approach people who have schizoprenia. And I would expect it to be a bit of an ordeal for someone who isn’t used to it. But here’s what bothers me:
The next night, I had a meeting at church. After it, I heard someone who works at the church bring up the ordeal. So naturally, I eavesdropped.

She said, ”I cannot believe they let that guy in! Next time, they shouldn’t open the door for someone like that.

Anyone who says that has no business also calling themselves a follower of Christ. Of course that makes me sound like I am judging that person, but I’m really sick and tired. What wusses suburban Christians have become, that we’re so into our own comfort we can’t hold hands in church or try to help someone who has a mental illness. It’s embarassing. And sickening. It has nothing to do with Jesus Christ when it’s a social club, and a superficial list of do’s and don’ts. And what’s worse is people are saying “don’t let it bother you!”

If it doesn’t bother you, you’re a peace keeper. Satisfied with the very status quo that gives Christianity – and as a result, Jesus Christ – a bad name. We need some peace makers in the church. People who will rock the boat. Shake it up. Make it right and spread it.

I want to be a peace maker.