So the eye roll I got from the cashier who thought my Obama/Hillary answer was unacceptable has sort of stuck with me since yesterday. I started to mull it over and made a realization: I am not apathetic.

Matthew 6, which has also stuck with me, says no one can serve two masters. Well doesn’t who you’re serving determine the path you’ll take? Mid-conversation with about twelve (exaggeration) different people recently, I’ve said one of a few things.

A. I know I don’t make a lot of money, but I’m not worried.

B. I’d like to do something nuts, like give up – quite literally – everything I own.

C. Maybe I’ll move into my own (cheap) place, since it’s hard to embrace the things I want to embrace while I live with people who aren’t into it as hard corely as I am.

And the response has been pretty much the same: “How on earth could you survive?”

And that’s when I do one of two things: just stop talking ’cause I know I’m just not getting through, or say, “Dang. You’re right.” And, I’ll be honest with you, it’s my lack of faith. But I long to truly trust.  I want to be able to give away what I need, saying things like ”this dinner is mine, but there’s a lady outside who needs it more” or “this is my favorite jacket, but I’m really not cold and that kid is” or “I know I only have a quarter tank of gas left, but this money might buy that guy a bus ride home.” Even now, when I think about doing these things (and not everything will always have to do with the homeless we encounter), I get scared. I’m all like, “shoot! I’ll buy the lady dinner, but I’m not giving her mine.” and “Heck naw, this is my jacket! I’ll find the kid something else to wear.” or “Dude. How am I going to get to work?” I’m also all like, “Yeah, if I give my gas money to everyone who needs it more, I’ll be late to work every day and therefore, fired.” which all, to me, sounds something like “How on earth could you survive?”

First, as Christians, I don’t think earth survival should be our biggest concern.

Secondly, doing any of these things would get us in trouble in some way, shape or form. No doubt. We’d get dirty looks, if nothing else, from strangers who see us handing our dinners to homeless people. We’d get dirtier looks if they saw us giving them money. We could totally get fired. But what path are you on if what other people think of you and the loss of a job are your biggest losses? Which master are you serving when you say, “Where I live, getting dirty looks and losing jobs is bad. There’s no way that’s gonna work out for anyone.”?

Maybe we should trust like Jesus did when God said he’d have to die on a cross.

Anyway, apathy. I don’t think I’m apathetic. Apathy depends on which master you’re trying to serve.